When you first meet someone you’re attracted to, the chemistry is strong. Your body is on fire for them and being intimately close lights a fire deep inside you. You have this constant desire to be near them, touch them and lose yourself in them.

It’s hard to imagine this type of yearning fading. But for many couples, it does. One day, you’re barely able to lay down on the same bed with your partner without jumping each other’s bones. And before you know it, you’re spending night after night, going to sleep beside each other and barely touching. You then realize you’re no longer sexually attracted to your partner.

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What’s the root cause?

If you want to get back that fire, you have to figure out why it died. In many cases, a couple starts by being physically attracted to each other then move on to an emotional connection as they get to know themselves better. But one aspect can completely mess with the other.

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For example, if that emotional connection fades, it can kill your sexual connection. Let’s say he cheats on you, for instance, or hurts you in any other way, you become distraught and heartbroken, possibly resentful. It’s quite normal that your sex life will suffer.

When it’s emotional.

If you can trace the cause of this lack of attraction to some pain he caused that you cannot get past, then you have to solve that first before working on the physical intimacy. Trying new sex positions, being more adventurous in bed, and other typical sex tips will not help you if what’s broken is your heart.

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So, you and your partner will have to try and reconnect. See a therapist if you need some help with this area. Communicate with each other. Express your feelings and talk until you feel you’re in a better place. Go on date nights. Do romantic things. Try to reignite those feelings and the desire should follow.

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When it’s purely sexual

If your heart is fine and there’s nothing wrong with your feelings for your partner, then the dwindling sexual attraction could be purely physical. If this is the case, those typical sex tips above can actually help. But before all of that, address the elephant in the room. Talk about your sex life with your partner and try to come up with suggestions to make things hot and heavy again.

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-Zumi

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